South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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