i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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