My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
