I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
