apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
