no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
