She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
