Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The adults are the big ones right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
