Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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