He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
