so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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