she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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