I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
