when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
