Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
