glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
