Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
