Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
