This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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