He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
