found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
