I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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