You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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