No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
