Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
