the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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