He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
