why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
