my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So many bounce houses so little time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
