your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
