You can't special order awesome
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
