there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In other news, I just burned my penis
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
