If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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