if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
