He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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