sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
