Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
