I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
