moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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