I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
