I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
