I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
