in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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