I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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