i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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