Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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