dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
