matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
