I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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