before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
