She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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